Open Letter To The Media
Dear Friends In The Television Media,
We are writing this letter to ask that you please, please, PLEASE, for the love of G*d, Please refrain from interviewing Tom Cruise--at least for the next several months.
It's not that we don't like Tom--There is much love for Tom. We also love, love, love Katie--really, she's a doll. How could you look at her and not just love that little cutie poopsie doodle? Of course he wants to marry her!! Who wouldn't??
We don't have issues with Scientology (except perhaps, how to spell it...) or a person's right to follow whatever path they deem appropriate in their life. If this is what makes the most sense to Tom (and others), then by golly, they should dive in, with gusto.
A very large chunk of us were looking forward to War of the Worlds, too.
But, the interviews...
Well, it's just not good television, folks. The reality is that as much as we support Tom Cruise's right to do most of whatever the hell he wants to do, at the end of the day, we really really don't care--not enough to keep watching, anyway.
That's right. We don't care. We don't care so much that we are now turning the channel whenever Tom Cruise comes on the television, and what an odd thing that is!
"Uh-Oh, Today Show promo--quick, change the channel!"
"CBS has Tom Cruise on this morning? Crap, and I was planning to watch that!"
"Tom is going to be on Dave/Jay/Conan? Damn it!!!"
You can see how this has clearly messed up our normal television viewing times. I mean, I personally sat through Russell Crowe's post-jail appearance on David Letterman, but could not stomach the notion of Dave talking to Tom Cruise, and that is saying something, folks...
Oh, and Today Show? I'm fairly certain that nothing any actor (who has not been elected to political office) has said has "launched a national debate" about anything.
And I say this even though we love actors.
Love. (Are you kidding? Have you been online to witness the gushing??? We're freakishly in LOVE with actors.)
OK, the truth is that we would like to hold on to our little fantasies about them not being total assholes, which you in the media are BLOWING, with the constant interviews that show Tom Cruise being an asshole. Maybe he isn't really like that--maybe he has been baited into all kinds of asshole behavior--whatever...Just stop, OK?
At this point, I'm not sure if even Rosie O'Donnell likes Tom Cruise anymore, and you KNOW that girl loves him to pieces.
What you are doing is akin to pouring a beer and handing it to an alcoholic. Remember the old joke beer can with the "Instant Asshole, just open and consume" label? That's what you're doing, seriously.
And nobody likes a mean drunk.
So, if you could please stop interviewing Tom and let him deal with his own crap without involving the rest of us, that would be great, because we miss our TV's and would like to get back to our regularly scheduled zombie TV-headed states.
Thanking you with love,
Your Adoring, Television-Addicted Public
While deep, deep, deep into the discussion of pretty faces, this young birthday boy came up, and I must tell you (especially YOU, Barb) that the photo on the other end of this link made me say some dirty words...
OK, I'm done.
OK, I'm done.