Greetings From Cell Block N2144
Sooooo sorry I haven't posted in a while! Life takes over, doesn't it?
You know, every time I read an apology like that on someone else's blog I just roll my eyes and think, "Whatever..." So lets back that up and just pretend I didn't actually apologize and that I am just a lazy jerk.
OK, seriously, folks, I've had the weirdest time lately. Thanksgiving was OK, nothing too spectacular, and the four days off of work were fairly lovely--lots of sitting around was done, which was nice. I also got a lot of knitting done! And even took pictures of it!
Stunned, silent, aren't you?
And then, I don't know, the planets lined up and I decided to be frumpy and unhappy and told my husband that I think I need to move out.
Do I want to move out? Not really. No, I think I can honestly say that I do not want to move out. Well, not today, anyway. Yesterday, I did. Apparently I am just insane and was trying to get my husband excited about the fact that I exist, or something.
Of course, that trick never works. How did he react? Well, he sort of shrugged and said, "at least this marriage was more fun than the last one..."
Dude...such a wrong answer.
But why do we women do that damsel-in-distress-come-rescue-me-tell-me-that-you-think-I'm-amazing thing? Why do we inflict these tests upon men and become horrified when they fail miserably? Would it be better to have never known that he didn't really care one way other the other whether I was in the house at any given minute? Should I have just continued, acting as if he thought I was fabulous and never worrying if it was true?
Anyway...we have this guy that we go to, one of the many long-suffering medical professionals in our lives, who occasionally consents to listen to us vent about our stupid selves--we'll call him "M". (What? "Dr. Doogie" was taken...). So the hubby finally says, "do you want to talk it over with M?"
Classic girl response: "No, dear, I want YOU to WANT to talk it over with M. Duh!"
I know we are from different planets. I get that. I am beginning to think that perhaps both sexes are completely bug-nuts, though. How can you have a conversation like that and be considered sane? I mean,' hi, I'm going to give you a very carefully worded "threat" like that is an OK thing, and you are going to just sigh and say, "oh, well," because you are going to assume that I am bluffing and take some kind of sick delight in making me suck it up and stick to my word?'
God, we're awful. So stupid.
Relationships are hard. They are especially hard when you are someone like me, who expects to be adored, and the whole world says "ho-hum".
Last night, DH and I went to a dinner, which was attended by various singles and couples, and there was one couple there whom we both enjoy very much. After the dinner, my husband and the other husband had a meeting, so we girls headed for home. I was sent on my way by my husband in a perfectly pleasant and civil way, and as I walked out to my car, alone, I witnessed the other husband helping his wife on with her coat, and walking her out to her car. It was so sweet, I could hardly bear it, and even though two seconds earlier it hadn't occurred to me that I would want or need someone to help me on with my coat or walk me to my car, I found myself a little annoyed by the fact that I did not have those things.
Just another clear indication that I am impossible.
So, as it sits, I may be forcing myself out of house and home, all because it never occurred to me that I wasn't wanted. You know what they say about assumptions....
Labels: Some Great Lament